Hi @Matt Cooley
Sorry to hear about the trouble caused.
Since Acrobat doesn't open for more than 10-20 seconds, we believe it wouldn't let you perform any troubleshooting steps within the application. In that case, we'll try the basic steps:
1- Restart your computer
Run this cleaner tool to remove the existing installer and application’s files traces:
Download the Acrobat installer from here:
3- If it still crashes after launch,, create a Hidden Admin account and launch the application.
If none of the solutions provided above works for you, then
Please collect the Adobe CC logs https://helpx.adobe.com/creative-cloud/kb/cc-log-collector.html share them by uploading to cloud storage (any)
Procmon Logs: [Windows only]
Let us know how it goes.