in google chrome i am trying to enable flash player. It only gives me the option to "ask first"? How do I get it to allow flash player?
That's it, ask each time is the new world. It's designed to annoy so you bug the people who still have Flash sites, so they stop using it before it's turned off.
This is a change in Chrome, made by Google, nothing to do with Adobe and Flash Player.
See https://www.chromium.org/flash-roadmap#TOC-Flash-Disabled-by-Default-Target:-Chrome-76---July-2019- for more information