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So, I went to their recommended "support" area of https://helpx.adobe.com/support.html. Here's how that conversation went:
Me
I have tried a couple different credit cards but it keeps giving me the same message: "We're unable to approve your transaction at this time. Please check the information you've entered below to make sure everything is accurate. If you continue to have trouble, please try a different card or contact Learn & Support for help."
Nidhi
Hello, I'll be happy to assist you with payment. May I know the email to locate the account?
***************@gmail.com
Nidhi
There is no account with the email "***************@gmail.com"
Me
I am just now trying to sign up. This is NOT a good first impression of your company and system.
Nidhi
I apologize for this may I know if you are trying to create an account?
Me
I am trying to "Agree and subscribe".
Nidhi
In order to purchase a subscription, there has to be an active account and the subscription should be paid through Credit card only. If the card is not getting approved then you would have to first check with bank as why the payment is being declined.
Me
As I said earlier, I have tried DIFFERENT CARDS and I know they are not being declined by the banks. The problem is with YOUR SYSTEM.
Nidhi
Okay, may I know the name of your coiuntry?
Me
USA
Nidhi
In USA if you wish you can pay through credit card or PayPal.
Me
YES I AM TRYING CREDIT CARDS BUT YOUR SYSTEM IS NOT ACCEPTING THEM.
Nidhi
If it is not getting accepted I would request you to contact bank once if they have blocked the transactions.
Me
THE BANKS ARE NOT BLOCKING THEM. THE PROBLEM IS WITH YOUR SYSTEM! YOUR SYSTEM! YOUR SYSTEM!
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Please post your case number here so that @WendellaBee can headstart on checking the case.
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What case number? I have no case number. Where would I get a case number? I searched everywhere I could, but only found two support options: "Worthless chat" and "Ask the community".
And by the way, I have contacted my banks and they confirmed what I said, that they never declined any attempted charges to my accounts. In fact, they never even received any attempted charges to my accounts. So, Adobe's flawed SYSTEM is disapproving my transaction before it ever reaches a bank. Yes, I have repeatedly confirmed that I have entered the correct card details and personal details.
I also run a business, and when a customer is standing in my doorway, waving a fistful of cash at me and demanding to buy something, I welcome them in. I don't slam the door in their face, pull down the shades, and take the phone off the hook so they're unable to even contact me.
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Okay, days have passed and I have gotten ZERO help from ANYONE at Adobe. The chat support is completely WORTHLESS, the community is equally WORTHLESS, and there are apparently NO other options for assistance. I have been using Adobe products for MORE THAN THREE DECADES and this is how they treat me? So, I took my business to Shutterstock. I entered the exact same information and used the exact same credit card, and they instantly approved my account with no problems. THANKS FOR NOTHING, ADOBE MORONIC JERKS.