Something we all can relate to part 2

[Peru Bob]

The new forum needs a little bit of humor to release the tension of the changeover, so I've started part 2 of the old thread so that we don't have to keep scrollong to the end of the old thread.

If it gets too long before the "go to the latest reply" issue is resolved, I can lock this thread and link to a part 3 thread.

What do you think?

[John T Smith]

Wife tells husband the bathroom door is sticking and asks him to fix it
Husband smiles and replies that he can't because he isn't a carpenter

Wife tells husband the kitchen faucet is dripping and asks him to fix it
Husband smiles and replies that he can't because he isn't a plumber

Wife tells husband her car is running rough and asks him to fix it
Husband smiles and replies that he can't because he isn't a mechanic

Husband gets home from work and wife says nice neighbor fixed everything
Husband asks what the neighbor charged to do all that work
Wife replies he said she could bake a cake or spend a private hour with him
Husband asks what kind of cake she baked for the neighbor
Wife smiles and replies that she isn't a baker

[Nancy OShea]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and Cat Scan, it's now $1500."

[Leslie Moak Murray]

HAHAHA Did not see that coming

[Abambo]

[Nancy OShea]

[Leslie Moak Murray]

Thanks a lot for makin me fall off my chair laughing hahahhaha I'm sending this to my sister

[Nancy OShea]

Why are you talking like that?  [WARNING: Contains adult language]

https://www.facebook.com/reel/319070573801983

[Nancy OShea]

Maybe you'll like this one better.

[Nancy OShea]

2004 VISA Commercial,

Trump Dumpster Diving.

[Nancy OShea]

Eddie was least seen heading toward the swamp and never seen again. Some say he croaked.

[John T Smith]

Car GPS for seniors
Phase 1 - tell you how to get to where you want to go
Phase 2 - remind you why you wanted to go there

[elbmek]

Get WAZE. It has built in GPS. I have been using it for a few years now - no problem.

[gener7]

This turned out to be an urban legend, but it is amusing:

A cigar smoker bought several hundred expensive stogies and had them insured against fire. After he'd smoked them all, he filed a claim, pointing out that the cigars had been destroyed by fire. The company refused to pay, and the man sued. A judge ruled that because the insurance company had agreed to insure against fire, it was legally responsible. So the company paid the claim. And when the man accepted the money, the company had him arrested for arson.

[gener7]

[J E L]

[Leslie Moak Murray]

Hahaha!

[gener7]

Don't forget Point Roberts, Washington.

"c'mon kids, we got to clear customs on the way to school."

[Nancy OShea]

NO JOKE

Legendary rock band, The Rolling Stones, just announced their 2024 "Hackney Diamonds" concert tour. 

The band will perform in 16 cities throughout the U.S. & Canada.

Sponsored by AARP.  🤣  

https://rollingstones.com/tour/

[gener7]

I love this East Bay bookstore. Where else can you find a field guide to shopping carts?

An interesting assortment of maps as well,

[Nancy OShea]

[Nancy OShea]

And on Dec 26th, Midge promptly exchanged her "Christmas gift" for a fur coat and drained the joint bank accounts.

[Leslie Moak Murray]

OMG hahahahaha

[Nancy OShea]

[Chuck Uebele]

Pretty much. The fees are crazy. 

[Nancy OShea]