Why does the support page lead me in circles when I try to contact a "real person"?
You talk to a real person by going to the forum for your program and posting a question, just like you did here
Here is the list of all Adobe forums... https://forums.adobe.com/welcome
Any real person who reads your question, and thinks he/she has an answer, will reply
I've searched through the correct forum. I cannot figure out where I am supposed to ask a question. I am beyond frustrated at this point. Can someone please help me out?
Which product forum are you looking for?
From any Forum Overview page, scroll down 'til you see the the Still have questions? pane. See screenshot. Then click on Start a new discussion.
For best results, use a desktop computer. IMO, the mobile view is not very friendly.
Adobe Customer Care hours vary by region. Your best chance of reaching a rep is during normal business hours -- Mon-Fri. Contact Customer Care
If you need help with a product, use the product forums. Often your questions will be answered by fellow product users in less time than it would take you to reach Customer Care.
Getting the Most out of Adobe User Forums