Preloader and dynamic text output

Hey folks,

I'm working with a larger-than-usual Flash file that cannot be broken into smaller elements, and in trying to keep the lowest common denominator audience in mind, I was trying to get a dynamic text field to display text base on the progress of the load, if anything just to give them something to read other than the percentage number increasing. What I tried below didn't work (as most of my experiments tend to do). What am I missing? Thanks!