P: Allow Catalog to be stored on a networked drive.

No, in an idea world it should be all things to all men, but we don't live in Eldorado so you just have to make the best out of what you can scrape together. There's never a 'one fits all' solution dude.

because a photo playlist of modified files does not help me when I need all the original files on my laptop.

as a proper db - on a network - even with sidecar file management as a separate process that's cached and written - this is how it works anyway.
Error correction on the sidecars can be treated exactly like a temp file of your actual document - writing out on save, and recoverable from the temp when a crash occurs.

The fact you have had to involve scripting is exactly like a work around.

the point is what YOU have done is akin to rocket science to make things work well for you - and others also have to leap through these hoops when rocket science is not what should be needed - Adobe is the one in error here by creating crippled software.

I can see making a script to find a duplicate photo - but then again, iTunes can find a duplicate mp3 and it's FREE.

I'm also using Photo Mechanic in tandem with LR

A top line iMac is more than you need to edit images these days, It's hardly a Lada

I use Nikon Image Space, 20GB free as I'm a Nikon Shooter

The only scripts I haven't written myself come from this guy http://regex.info/blog/lightroom-goodies.

As well as a photographer I spend a lot of my time putting in workflow for Photographers, Video Film and Broadcast. Sadly these days, I don;t shoot as much as I'm always onsite making other people's stuff work

You have a 3088 image catalog that you exported. Why do you want to export so many images? Why don't you publish them and set up a new catalog to pick up the published folder?

Replying to a comment about boosting what you can to make things run better. Dude, we'll just agree to disagree if it's all the same to you