Trying to change vertical alignment in linked area type objects
Can Illustrator not align type in area type objects if they are linked?
For example: I've got multiple linked area type boxes:

The Before-Paragraph setting is 100 pt, in order to force the next paragraph into the next box.
I want ALL the text to be CENTERED within each box, but clicking "Center" in the Alignment popup of the "Area Type Options" dialog (or any OTHER setting, for that matter) makes NO difference whatsoever in the type.
The problem seems to be the LINKING. If I Option+Drag any of the linked boxes, the new unlinked box IMMEDIATELY centers:

WHY??? Is this a bug? I remember InDesign had this problem like 12 years ago but they FIXED it. Why can't Illustrator?
I'd even appreciate a quick workaround if anyone has one. (Beyond just doing it in InDesign, which I've been doing, but I'd REALLY like to just be doing it in Illustrator.