Hi
From your description, the reason colour management is not working for you is that you are using the profiles incorrectly.
The only place you should select your monitor profile is in your operating system. Photoshop will use the profile from your operating system to ensure colours are shown correctly.
From Camera raw you choose a document colour space to output the document e.g. sRGB or Adobe RGB or ProPhoto
In Photoshop you can set colour settings to use a working space (not your monitor profile) but this only affects new documents. What you should also have checked is Preserve Embedded Profiles. That way the color management in Photoshop will use the document profile you chose in camera raw and convert it, on the fly , to display correctly on your monitor using the profile in your OS.
Edit to add : Set this way, if you see a difference between ACR and PS then you likely have an incorrect or broken monitor profile.
Dave