repeated "Adobe Acrobat has encountered an error and needs to close"

I have a PDF file (made entirely of high-quality images) that is 561 MB in size. Every time I use the Compress a PDF tool from the desktop version of Adobe Acrobat to compress it, the app crashes and gives me an error (strangely, without a code). 

I tried every possible solution to no avail. I logged out and signed back in. I used the cleaner tool. I uninstalled the app and downloaded it from the Acrobat direct installer. Nothing worked. I thought the problem might be with the file itself, so I tried another file, and the result was even weirder. The output of compressing the other file was a file with double the size! What in the world is happening?