Something we can relate to part 3

Hmm… I wear glasses

True story: My mother took me to see Psycho when I was 10. From that day on, I developed an unnatural fear of going to the movies with my mother.

Cat Poem

Local humor. 

Welcome to $11 gas. This is a Chevron station today in Downtown Los Angeles.

Pet training

#GravitySucks

ME: I'm feeling much better since I switched from morning coffee to orange juice.

DOCTOR: Orange juice has lots of vitamin C, minerals and natural sugars to give you a morning boost.

Me: I think it's the vodka.