To answer my own question and save future people pain. In
Windows, when Java can't find the virtual machine, you must do
Start > Control Panel > System > Advanced >
Environment Variables
and set up user variable "java_home" to the JDK with forward
slashes like so:
C:/Program Files/Java/jdk1.6.0_06
You do NOT put "/bin". If you put Java in a different folder,
you should change java_home accordingly. Now I can move on with
life.