Adobe CC apps no longer work on Windows 7. And because of that, I cannot uninstall them.

Once Adobe's support for Windows 7 ended, I cannot uninstall any Adobe CC apps. Not the Creative Cloud app, not any of the individual apps, nothing. To paraphrase Samuel L. Jackson in "Snakes on a Plane" (the family-safe broadcast TV version) I just get a "can't find the Monday Friday server" notice.

So the question is, how do I uninstall Adobe CC from a machine where it will no longer run?