Creative Cloud Desktop install stalls at 33%

Once again, issues with installing Creative Cloud. Tried to launch the app, it tried to update & failed. Tried downloading the installer and starting fresh – hangs at 41%. Uninstalled and ran the cleaner tool, deleted the dreaded OOBE file, ran the installer again 33% and 34% (says downloading Creative Cloud Desktop) and hangs. Tried logging into my account & leaving the browser open – hang. Tried closing the browser – hang. Tried sacrificing a live chicken – hang. Made sure all Adobe Creative Cloud files were deleted (save for the file in windows 7 C:\Program Files (x86)\Adobe) because it won’t let me delete it, even in safe mode) and it still hangs.

It’s absurd that after years of this issue coming up over and over again, Adobe has no interest in fixing the issue.