Hey LaughingManArt and Megha Rawat.
I was able to fix the problem by creating a bootable USB drive from the downloaded .DMG file (which is still too overly complicated).
In disk utility, add a usb, and erase all the contents. Once that's done, you can double click the dmg to mount the adobe files. From there, you can go back to Disk Utility, and go to the second tier of the now erased USB (probably Untitled if you didn't rename it). Click restore, and then select the CD to restore from (I'm on El Capitan beta, so it's a few different steps for it). It takes a bit to restore, but once it's done, you can launch the install from the usb now.
Megha, for your tech team (if y'all even do anything).
Mid 2014 15" rMBP
2.5 GHz i7
16GB Memory
El Capitan Public Beta build 15A262e
Surprisingly, I can install both the CS4 and CS5.5 downloads, just not CS5, which is what leads me to believe the file is buggy if it's not booted from a disk.