Monitor Calibration for video

I'm having a hell of a time trying to get this to work.  I have an srgb and wide gamut monitor. 
Calibrated both for photo editing and they are close enough.  In premiere the wide gamut monitor was showing everything too saturated, so Chatgpt suggested I switch it to srgb mode and recalibrate. Srgb Mode had no brightness control so I used rec709.

I calibrated both monditors totally from scratch, no profiles applied or loaded. And whatever I do the ASUS remains more saturated (even in rec709 mode - although its better) and warmer, which is baffling. Its set to 6500k in hardware. The $400 monitor looks more neutral than the $2000 one.  

chatGPT is great for windows trouble shooting up to a point: its final suggestion was to play with the colour controls of the asus until it looks right (facepalm)

my original query was how to get this to work so I can use rec709 in premiere and adobeRGB in photoshop, but right now I dont know how to even get a decent calibration. Is the spyder not up to it? Is there something about the asus monitor?