So as if this decade-long issue with constantly being required to sign back in wasn't already irritating, now I can't even sign in. Every time I attempt to do so I'm delivered this wonderful response:
We can’t verify your subscription status.
So Adobe is now essentially handicapping my business. Bravo, Adobe. You've done it again! And yes, my subscription is very much active, and yes, my internet connection is just fine (major plot twist: I'm using it to post this!)