I can share an update on this: the problem Jim was experienging (as are others) is indeed down to the use of htaccess (and maybe also true for rewrites via mod_rewrite). The rewrite is adding a new header, in the request sent from Apache to CF--and thus the updated connector (in CF) fails the request for it not having one of the allowed (dozen) headers that are listed in the Tomcat docs (http://tomcat.apache.org/tomcat-9.0-doc/config/ajp.html).
And THAT is why Jim (and others) would conclude they have to use that regex value of ".*" (for "anything"). I am working on determining if there's a way to add ONLY the extra header that is needed, rather than allowing "any" (which was indeed what the Tomcat fix was trying to prevent).
BTW, for anyone who wants to see WHAT header IS being sent in on requests that ARE sent to CF via a rewrite, you can see it, either of two ways. (Let me note that you can of course only see it when the request IS working, such as when you use that .* pattern, or if you roll back the update.)
One way is with the CFML function gethttprequestdata (or more specifically, coldfusion gethttprequestdata().headers). Another way is with FusionReactor, and its ability to see the "details" of a request, one of which is a "headers" tab. As I was working with one client, we found the header to be XSite-name.
And yes, we tried adding that as THE pattern. We did have to escape the "-" within the name, so "Xsite\-name". And that "worked" (in that now the "rewritten" site would run). And BTW, sites that were NOT being "rewritten" were working regardless.
What's not clear from the Tomcat docs is whether in doing that, we are ADDING to or OVER-RIDING/overwriting the default values listed on the Tomcat doc page. Again, I plan to do some more research and testing on things. (I find virtually none by anyone else on the web.)