Okay, I can make this work in PS. If I send the image into PS and make changes, save it, when I go back into InDesign and click on the ! the change comes through. Can't get it to work with Bridge/ACR. Oh well.
Don't take this all on you. You're certainly not the first person to get caught in this loop between ACR/Photoshop and InDesign.
Adobe engineered the workflow to, at all costs, protect your original RAW/DNG file. By turning out a copy of the original file every time you save (as) in ACR, the original file is maintained. As we discussed, that's where your version control issues come in.
Working to set up your images in Photoshop will maintain the link every time.
Can I ask a favor of you, though? Could you please mark the response as the Correct Answer? That way, the moderators can archive this and it'll pop up in the "Related conversations" below and save others who find themselves in the same predicament.
Glad we could work you around your problem,
Randy