It sounds as if there are two problems. First, deleting the TOC should not crash ID, of course. It sounds as if the original file may be corrupted. Try this: save the file in IDML format, then reopen it as a new INDD document and work forward from that copy. This often fixes document corruption and broken links, etc.
As for the variant TOCs, it seems unlikely that every language has the headings and entries on the same pages. There isn't really any way to "update" a TOC except, as John said, to regenerate it for each document. That should be easy once you can delete the original and regenerate the new one.
—