After more than two weeks of absolutely frustrating and infuriating interactions with Adobe Support, someone named Britt stepped in via Twitter to help me get the trial working and provided extra time on the trial to make up for the run-around I was getting from other support reps.
So thank you, Britt, for restoring my faith in Adobe, and for stepping in to make things right.
But please, Adobe, fix your support chain. It shouldn't lead to angering your customers before you eventually do the right thing. I'm sure this whole fiasco wasted just as much of your own time as it did mine. Please re-evaluate how your handle customer support here on the forum, via Twitter, and via chat. In fact, please get Britt to teach some of the others how to do it right, thanks.
Now on to giving the new Photoshop a test drive, FINALLY!