Setup has detected that you already have a more functional product installed. WTF?!

I am trying to deploy (via Intune, but I think this is irrelevant) Adobe Acrobat Pro to a machine that has Reader already installed. I have a created an MST file where I specifically have checked the boxes for "Remove previous version of Acrobat" and "Remove all versions of Reader" and yet when I try to install with this transform applied, the install fails with "Product: Adobe Acrobat DC (64-bit) -- Setup has detected that you already have a more functional product installed. Setup will now terminate." Like the subject line states, WTF?!