Can't place images, add shapes/text boxes, or double-click to edit text

I'm not sure what's going on, but InDesign turned on me today. I consider myself an advanced user with 12+ years experience, using daily in my work for 7+ years… and I am baffled.

I am suddenly unable to:

• Place images (PSD, JPG, TIFF, etc.). The image appears in the cursor, but when I click to place, nothing happens. Over and over.
• Add shapes via Rectangle, Ellipse, or Polygon Tool — when I attempt, I end up selecting all objects on my page.
• Add text boxes. Same as above, selects all objects on page.
• Cannot double-click to edit text — typically from the black cursor (V), I am able to double-click on a text box and it will select all text, or bring up the typing cursor. That's not happening. I end up moving the text box entirely.
• There are probably other things happening that I'm not yet aware of, because I've been stuck on these.

I have:

• Tried a fresh document
• Restarted InDesign
• Cleared Preferences while launching InDesign (Shift+Command+Control+Option)
• Uninstalled and reinstalled InDesign
• Restarted my computer

It's possible I pressed a key on my keyboard that somehow put it in a mode I am unaware of… but seems unlikely. Screenshot for reference, doubt anything can be told by it.  Please help!