Hello again, @Thomas_Calvin:
I'm going to visually support the other helpful answers already here...
I head off this confusion by having all my students undock the Pages panel, keep it visible and focus on using it for page navigation. As you are belatedly figuring out, the blue highlighting is critical.
Below, I am showing with Mike is saying. (BTW, we are both InDesign instructors. As a matter of fact, Mike taught InDesign a million years ago because he saw the writing on the wall noting PageMaker's demise so much more quickly than I did.)
When I double click the page 2 icon, page 2 is selected and is centered. The page 2 thumbnail and the page numbers underneaath are both blue.
When I double click the page 3 icon, page 3 is selected and is centered. The page 3 thumbnail and the page numbers underneaath are both blue.
When I double click the dash between pages 2 and 3, the spread is selected and centered. The thumbnail for the spread and the page numbers are both blue.
To get to the A-Parent, double click the words A-Parent. Both the page icons and the words A-Parent will be blue.
I'm going to respectfully disagree with Mike and say you can also change the selected spread by scrolling and clicking/selecting—but you always have one eye on the Pages panel to be sure you are where you think you are. And Leo has an excellent example of the perils of the Pages panel in his second screen shot—the page numbers 4–5 are selected but the page icons on some other spread are selected. They need to all be blue.
It's tough to teach yourself a mature application like InDesign without buying a book or taking a class. There are so many little things to trip us up that just aren't obvious or discoverable.
~Barb
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